I can't believe I have finally conquered NCLEX...again! It's been such a mentally exhausting month full of stress. Some of my friends took it as early as July so I felt like I really needed to get the ball rolling quickly. I had been on vacation practically all of July so as soon as I got home from North California, I made myself a schedule and was really strict on myself about staying on my study plan. Every day I would spend so many hours in front of the computer. Mike would leave for work and come back and I would still be sitting in the same chair. I was so frustrated and anxious to be done already.
The night before my big exam I knew exactly where I needed to go and what I needed to do to calm my anxiety. I made my way over to the temple for an endowment session. I love the feeling every time I go and do temple work. My favorite part is the very end where we get to sit in that beautiful celestial room and are reminded of the greater plan. It's so peaceful and quiet. It's the only place that calms my anxiety and stress. Thank goodness for the temple being so close to me, I don't know howI would've survived nursing school without it.
I had left some home made chicken bbq pizza in the oven for Mike to come home to. When I came home from the temple I found that he had waited for me to have dinner. I sure love that man of mine! Also, how can I not give a huge shout out to my husband for taking this journey with me yet again. His love and patience towards me while I was so stressed and cranky simply amazes me. Mike loves me so much. He does such an amazing job showing me every. single. day. He does SO much for me.
That night after watching a show and eating dinner, I tried to my best to go to sleep early and get some rest. The next morning Mike gave me a blessing. I prayed that my anxiety would go away so that I would be able to focus on the questions. I prayed that I would read all of the questions correctly and not make any mistakes. I prayed that I would be able to remember all of the things that I had studied and practiced during the past weeks.
That morning I woke up early because I needed to go to work and get my health physical done. I had left with plenty of time and even though I found that the health department had moved across the street and parking was crazy, I was able to manage to get my health physical and be out with plenty of time to spare. Thank goodness because I didn't need any added stress of being late.
When I got to Ontario I had a cowboy moment with the Pearson Vue Center building. Like it was my enemy but I knew I could take it down, again. I had been there before for my LVN license and now I was gonna go and conquer it again for my RN license. Even though I was there early I just went inside because every minute I waited seemed like an eternity.
I went in and had dejavu. I walked in and the lady checked my name and ID. She then checked my glasses to make sure I didn't have any fancy Google glasses, she had me empty out all of my pockets, she took a picture of me, and she scanned the veins in my hand. I was told I wasn't allowed to remove my jacket, to raise my hand if I needed anything, and that there would be a camera watching me at all times...Gulp.
And of course, once I started my test all of my anxiety went away. Funny how that happens:)
At the beginning I felt like I was getting a lot correct, but then they started getting harder. The questions required multiple answers and I knew that if I failed to select 1, the entire questions would be wrong. I kept going. I could tell my questions were getting harder, which was a good sign. If you are doing well, the computer gives you upper level questions. I was to stay on level 2 and 3 if I wanted to pass. From questions 30-50 I started to get nervous because the questions were hard, but I kept telling myself that It was a good sign. The least amount of questions that you can pass NCLEX with are 75 and the most is 265. The computer knows to give you more questions if it hasn't figured out that you are going to pass. It can also decide at 75 that you are failing miserably. That computer is the devil.
At question 70 I was getting level 3 questions. I knew this was a good sign but I was still starting to get nervous because I had 5 questions left to prove to the computer that I was a safe and competent nurse. Questions 74 creeped up and I got a 'select all that apply' questions. I knew this was a good sign. And then questions number 75 popped up. I knew that if I had passed NCLX that it didn't even matter how I answered this questions. It was all whether it was a level 2 or 3 questions. I really wanted to pass with only 75 questions, but just in case, I did my best answering the questions correctly in case the test continued. My heart was racing. I pushed the 'NEXT' button, and my computer shut off! I couldn't help but smile. I was smiling when the lady came over and said to take my stuff and go and get my hand scanned again. I smiled all the way to my car. I knew I had passed. I was so freaking happy I wanted to skip all down the parking lot. As soon as I was done I called Mike.
I hadn't told a lot of people I would be testing that day because I didn't want the added stress of people asking me how I did when I wouldn't find out for a couple of days. Only my friend Schyler knew and she said to come over to her house so we could celebrate. So, I went over to In N Out and got us lunch and headed over to her house.
It was fun hanging out at Schyler's house. She is doing nursing school at the same place I did so I always try to help her out with anything I can, specially because I had no one to help me out while I was in nursing school. I felt like I was just thrown in there to learn things on my own the hard way. Sure glad that's over with.
I can't believe Mackenzie is so big. Man kids grow up way fast. I gets that's what they're supposed to do.
From Wednesday to Friday it was a horrific wait. I wanted to know for a fact I had passed my test. I was going to be SO sad if I had failed it. I tried so hard to take my mind off of it. I thought I had waited for days and days and it was only Wednesday NIGHT! My chest pain was horrible! I had read online that there was a trick you could do. I read that you could try to register for the test again, and that if it wouldn't let you, then that meant you had passed. I didn't want to do the trick in case it didn't work but by Wednesday night my chest was so tight I told Mike to buy a Visa Credit Card so I could do the trick. I managed to fall asleep that night without doing it and see if I could wait it out until I got the real results.
By Thursday afternoon it seemed like I had waited for ever. Mike had left for work and I was home alone and couldn't stop thinking about that daing test. I decided to try to Pearson Vue Trick and to my surprise I got the "good pop up" indicating that I couldn't reschedule. That managed to calm me down for the rest of the day. I still kept checking the Board of Registered Nursing website to see if my license would pop up but every time I checked , there was no license.
On Friday morning I left for work. Everytime I go to work people always ask me about school. I told them I had taken NCLEX and they assured me that if I had done the Pearson Vue trick that I had passed. But, I NEEDED the official results. They laughed and said that they totally understood. I had read online that it takes about 48 hours for your results to pop up on the BRN website. My chest pain was back that morning at full force. I had gone in at work at 6AM and wouldn't be able to find out if I passed until 1PM. I tried to distract myself but kept checking the BRN website every time I could. I knew I had to wait until 1 but I still kept checking over and over. At about 8 AM I checked for the last time... and my name was there!!! I ran up and down the halls of my unit letting every one know I had passed NCLEX :D It was great being in the hospital because all of the nurses new exactly how excited I was. I was so relieved! I had passed boards!
The next 2 hours at work I was in La-la land. It was really hard to concentrate. Every one kept calling me nurse Joanna, it was funny.
Sunday night while we were having dinner, a family friend said to me at the dinner table, "So now that you're an RN..." It was SO weird! I almost wanted to turn around and see if he was talking to some one else. Oh wait RN, that's me! Hehe!
It still feels so surreal. I have worked so hard and long for this one moment. Since I was in High School I was in volunteer programs at the hospital. When I was working on my prerequisites I was able to get a secretary job in the ICU and quickly learned about the world of Health Care. Then I got my CNA so I could start working in my ICU unit. When I finally finished my pre-reqs I applied twice to CSUSB and was not accepted. I remember getting those "We're sorry to inform you that..." letters. Such a blow in the gut. I didn't want to sit around and wait on a wait list for 2 years. I wanted to learn about nursing. So I got into LVN school. I could've applied to private school and gotten into nursing, but I did NOT want to get into debt over my education. Even if it took me longer, I wanted to work hard to pay my way through nursing school so that I could enjoy it after I was done. There are so many nurses in my hospital who pay thousands of dollars each month to school loans.
Immediately after I graduated LVN school and passed my LPN NCLEX, I applied to the RN program at Chaffey Community College. To my amazement I had been accepted. It was a brutal program. The transition course to start RN school was the devil. There were about 30 students and 6 of us finished. I KNOW I was blessed and some one was watching over me through out that class, there was absolutely no way I could've passed it without Heavenly Father's help.
It was during that transition course that I also had my miscarriage. I would've never been able to finish nursing school if I had, had a baby. They would've kicked me out and it would've been almost impossible to do school with a new born. I probably would've never finished. It was a tender mercy. The Lord took something away but gave me some thing great in return. He knew I needed to be a nurse. Being a mother had to wait a little longer. I still don't know why but, I trust his plan and his timing in all things. Even me taking forever to finish nursing school. It was all for a reason, reason I know not and that's okay.
It still feels so surreal. I have no idea where nursing will take me now. I'll just have to wait and see what field of nursing I get into. I'm exited to find out! For now, I have some resumes to do ;)
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