On May 11 we found out I passed my pregnancy test with flying colors. It felt totally surreal. Like I looked at the test and thought, yeah but am I really pregnant? Totally didn't even sink in.
When Mike got home, I surprised him by putting a bun in the oven since the first thing he asks when he comes home is "what's for dinner" #fatty
Butter was already trying to eat the bun in the oven, uh oh
I still didn't believe it, like we celebrated, hugged, and sat down for dinner and a show. I was almost afraid to get excited. For the first couple of weeks I tried not to think about being pregnant, even though it passed through my mind all day long. I was scared, nervous, anxious. The first couple of weeks were so scary. I didn't want to allow myself to be hopeful this time around. Last time I found out I had a missed miscarriage around my 17th week appointment. I am 17 weeks today and have an appointment this upcoming Monday. I have been so nervous over the past few weeks but I've slowly started to get excited about it.
I seriously took tests like every other day, just to make sure because...am I REALLY pregnant? :)
...and more tests...
...and with another brand JUST to make sure, ha!
Like I said, the first couple of weeks were rough. I was SO scared of disappointment. I didn't tell anyone just to make sure. I am slowly starting to tell people now. Most of the people that know are some family, close friends, and some co-workers since I looked like a zombie my first trimester, SO tired.
I have't really taken bump pictures until this last week, mostly because you can't really tell and secondly because I was scared of admitting there was a baby growing. I feel like this week my belly has finally grown and even my scrubs are starting to feel snug around the waist.
I had a scare a couple of weeks ago after work. ICU is so stressful and you have to be lifting heavy patients and pushing heavy beds that I had major cramps and spotting one day after work. I decided to ease my worries since it was all I could think about. I headed over to my doctor's office as soon as I left the hospital. After waiting for it to open up at 8AM they told me there were NO doctors today and that ALL the nurse practitioners were on vacation...WHAT!! I knew that I would not be able to go home and relax or sleep so I drove over to urgent care where I was finally seen. The doctor did some tests and told me that everything was probably fine. He only checked my hooha though and didn't use a doppler or do an ultrasound. He said miscarriages don't usually happen after 12 weeks and he was about to send me home. I told him I had, had this happen before and he decided to send me for an ultrasound. The only available ultrasound was in Highland and the only time slot available was in 25 minutes so I raced over so I didn't lose my spot. I was SO nervous but tried not to think too much about it. After I was finally seen, the girl kept measuring the baby. She was moving the doppler so fast I couldn't tell if the baby was moving or not and frankly, I was too scared to ask. After taking all of her measurements, she said, "Oh yeah, I still need to listen to the heart beat" And lo and behold there was the cutest little heart beat, 165 beats per minute. I was SO relieved! I had tried to emotionally prepare myself on the drive over just in case I got bad news. I was so traumatized.
After that little scare I have finally bought myself a little doppler. It has been a life saver. I feel that I can feel the baby moving around now too and it's so reassuring to feel the little flickers in my belly. I realized that I could feel the baby move after buying the doppler. I would feel the baby on the right side, put the doppler there and sure enough there's the baby's heart beat. I feel that now that I can listen to the baby from home, I have been worrying less and started to come to terms that maybe this is it for us, we will finally have our baby( P.S. I don't use the doppler often, just for a minute or two once or twice a week:) I still pray every night for its health and hope that everything will be ok this time around.
We will be telling my family in Vegas this week and hopefully have a gender reveal party while we are in Yellowstone in 2 weeks. We are falling more and more in love with our little baby and are hopefully to meet a healthy baby in December :)
