Papa

It still feels so surreal that Walt passed away. I wish I could've written down my thoughts when it happened but it was such a whirlwind of a couple of weeks it's hard to recall. 

First I should probably talk about my father in law. My children won't know Papa so I feel it's very important to describe just what an unbelievably incredible man my father in law was. 

To my kids:

Dear future kids. I'm sorry you didn't know your Papa, what a fun guy he was! When Mike and I were dating, your Papa was the first counselor in the singles ward where your dad and I met. He would sit up at the stand and he looked down from the stand to see who was sitting close to each other, you know, just to see who was dating who. Your Papa was probably one of the first ones to know of Mike and I were "hanging out". I don't remember talking to him much during singles ward, after all he was the dad of the guy I was dating, so embarrassing. I'm sure he knew much more about me than I thought. I remember going to the funnest activities like sliding down a hill in a long piece of plastic that they'd cover with soap and water. He was always there. It seemed he loved his calling. After Mike and I got engaged, I don't remember talking to him as much as I remember talking to Marcia, I think he was checking me out and seeing if I was alright for his son. The day Mike and I got married, he came up to me and told me "Welcome to the family, sweetie," which was followed by a forehead kiss. Turns out Walt had let Mike know a couple of times how lucky he was to have found me and how lucky he was that I said "yes."

After that I always felt like the favorite (even though I was the ONLY daughter in law) Walt soon became one of my best friends. Someone I could always come to for advice. He was the dad I didn't have. He was SO smart, he knew something about everything. Taxes, economics, cars, electricity, plumbing, who we should vote for, for city's congressman and why,  how to install (anything), you asked him, he knew the answer. Such a smart man! 

Walt was also a great friend. I saw him go through long distances for his friends. I remember he had a friend who LOVED to talk, Walt would actually answer the phone when he called! Even when he was really sick, he would give them rides. Even when he knew they were crazy, he would still help them out. He was so patient. He must've developed that quality while he was bishop or something. Sometimes he would sit on the counter with his head on his forehead listening to his friend on the phone go on and on while Marcia and I walked around him giggling. Walt was also MY friend. He was always there when I needed him. Sometimes if I was having a bad day and I knew Walt was home, I would go over and watch TV with him. Or if I was home alone, I would go over because I knew he was there and I would take my computer to his house and do homework there. I LOVED his company. He always had the best Pandora stations to listen to. He would usually be listening to his talk radio. Always listening to talk radio. He would ask me if it bothered me to have it on loud, it never did. I LOVED listening to him laugh about stuff that they said. I would usually end up listening to it anyways. 

Walt was always a great counselor. He was someone I always talked to when I had a decision to make. Even with things so little as what internet company we should get, what camera I should buy. I made sure he went with us when I bought my car. I always trusted his judgement. 

Your Papa also LOVED his family more than anything. He loved when all of the little grandkids would come over. His favorite was reading them stories and making up fun games. The kids all loved it! He loved having kids around for dinner time also, mostly because kids are crazy and he thought it was so funny. I think the funnest part was that he could say "go to your mom" if he ever wanted to. During dinner time, when the grand kids were all wild, he'd say "it's dinner and a show" with a big smile. 

On the last couple of days when we had Walt with us, he was very tired. During the  past year, he had fought hard graft vs host disease. I never once heard him complain though. Not once. He would faithfully take his 20 pills in the morning ( or it seemed) and 10 other horse pills through out the day. He had a cabinet devoted to just his medicine, we called it Walt-greens :) It took him a while this past year to figure out that it was okay to ask for help. He had a hard time with that. He was independent and didn't like to rely on other people to do stuff for him. (Specially because he was very peculiar about the way he liked things done) Perhaps this was the hardest part about being so sick, not so much the feeling crummy part, but having to give up his independence. He always felt like he was a burden or something. I loved going over to help him out regardless of what he thought. He was never a burden because I loved being over at his house, just the two of us. 

The last month or so was hard. We saw Papa go from being able to move around the house with his walker, to not being able to get out of bed. He was hurting, which probably meant that it REALLY hurt since Walt never complained about anything. In the last 3 weeks he had torn a muscle in his chest from falling, gotten a compression fracture in his back, and one of the worst was falling outside of the hospital while waiting for Mike to come around and pick him up. That was really hard on his ego, though he didn't complain. Instead he mentioned how impressed he was with the staff that came quickly to his aid and how everyone was quick to help him. What WAS one of the hardest saddest day for him was the week when we sat down together to watch the game he had "recorded" only to find out that  nothing had recorded. He said "you know I fell and I got over that one but forgetting to record the game is like squeezing lemon into the wound." He was pretty sad about that one. He was one avid BYU fan. I don't think I ever saw him upset about the entire situation until that day. Missing his football game was just too much. (We ended up watching a the game later that night) 

The days before his passing were pretty hard. Every day he grew weaker and weaker. He was hurting. Though he remained cheerful, and even in the middle of it all, he would still make jokes. The night before he passed, I stayed right next to him taking care of him the entire night. He was so complimentary about my care, "that's perfect" and "oh, you are so good!" was on repeat that night. Always so pleasant even in the midst of it all. I'm so grateful for that time I got to spend, just the two of us. Marcia told me that the next morning Walt said to her that I had taken great care of him through out the night. He was always so sweet. 

The night of his passing I was at work. I remember getting a phone call asking for me. When I picked up the phone I heard "Joanna, this is Katie." I was so confused because I hadn't paged anyone named Katie or new of any doctor or nurse by that name. For a second I was just silent trying to figure out who it was. Then I realized someone was crying and it all came to me. When Katie told me dad had passed, I couldn't believe it. I think I asked, "did they do CPR, so he stopped breathing." I hung up with Katie and walked over to my preceptor. I told her what happened and that I wanted to step out for a minute. She said absolutely. I walked out to the nurse's lounge and realized I had forgotten my phone. When I came back to the nurse's station, I saw my preceptor speaking to the charge nurse. He came up to me and said, "You have to go home." Before I could leave, my preceptor said to finish up some charting. I was sitting in front of the computer and it was all a big blur, but I tried my best to finish things up. I packed my bags up and left as soon as I was done. I remember that night I couldn't get home quick enough. Before I left the unit, I remember my charge nurse telling me to drive carefully. I realized why he had said that. I couldn't help but speed to the house. I wanted to be there before they picked him up. That drive seemed like forever. 

When I finally got there, I saw a police car outside the house. I walked in and saw Katie, Elizabeth, Marcia, Mike, and the police officer in the living room. I looked over at Walt laying in his bed and I held his hand. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. I hoped it wasn't too late. We waited a couple of hours until the people from the mortuary came and picked him up. I was so amazed at Marcia's strength and peace. I had prayed so hard for her on my drive to their house, hoping that she would have the strength and peace to endure this night. Walt didn't look like himself. It was just his body. Papa was gone. Tears were shed as we waited for them to remove the body. Was this really happening? It still feels so surreal. 

Today was the first Sunday back from all of the funeral craziness. Today was hard. I missed Walt more than usual today. Things are gonna be harder now that I lost my buddy. I will be forever grateful for having him as a father in law. I mean, how lucky can a girl get? 

This picture was of the first funeral we had in San Bernardino. We buried him the next week in Utah. It was a beautiful service and the weather was just perfect as we headed out to his grave. It was a tender mercy that the sun came out at the right time that cold day. 

Another thing I'll miss I double date with these two

I'm not sure how Mike will be when it's football season again. These two were besties. 

Loved spoiling him for father's day

The night we went out and watched Rian Reagan, that's were the quote "Say 8, say 8!" came from and "I'm on a gurney" which we would joke about during Walt's trips to the ER. 

The funeral service was perfect. Elizabeth, Ann and I did the eulogy. All of Walt's kids mentioned "something you should know about my dad"

Some one took a picture of our family while we were all up singing "Love is Spoken here" 

The kids also sang some of Walt's favorite songs. I remember while I was leading them I looked over at my nephew Austin who was singing with big tears flowing down his cheeks. It made me all choked up. 

After the service we talked and had dinner. There were SO many people there! Walt was so loved. Every one mentioned how kind he always had. We joked that people didn't know that Walt was social by calling not by choice. No one ever knew that though :)

I found little Odin in front of the screen while the video of Walt was playing. He was just standing there all by himself. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I miss my Papa." I sat him down with me and we started watching the video of Papa. I would point out every time he came out in the pictures, that made him happy. 

Poor little guy kept getting teary when he would see his Papa's face come up on the screen. 

The grand kids all started to circle around the video and watched Papa. 

Then everyone gathered around. 

That night we played games. Mike busted out with Candy Crush and we played it "Papa style"

It felt good to be all gathered together as family. We laughed, we cried, we laughed some more. 

It's going to be hard not seeing Walt sitting in his chair. 

That night we gathered around and read scriptures. We ended our day kneeling down together as a family. This picture makes me so happy. 

We miss Walt so much. I'm so grateful for this Gospel and the knowledge that our separation is only momentary because families can be together forever. 

Love you, Walt